Ok, I'm gonna try and describe yesterday's trip. It's actually a very futile excercise as I've long ago come to the conclusion that language falls desperately short when it comes to describing such things. Emotions, ideas and the like are lost when spoken or written.
I shall try and extract a poem out of this later. Perhaps it wiil make better sense.
Ok, so at first, it was a pretty standard come-on, especially for this kind of bud. After a while of music, touching and so on, my mind started to fall into deep thought. It wasn't like other trips which are friendly, sociable, humorous and light.
After a very good trip which I won't even bother to describe, I put pressure on my eyes with the butts of my hands. It provided a comfortable pressure. I had also rested my head against the wall behind me.
Firstly, I don't know how I was introduced to this. I'm not sure if it was my mind that took me on this "tour" or some other being/entity/consciousness/angel/cosmic agent. It wanted to show me that the are other dimensions and that they are just a shadow's width away. Funny, it's just like Terry Pratchett stuff. In fact, it was very similar. It showed me that if I wanted an answer to a big question, I would have to travel to it's plane and observe and make my own decisions about it. It showed me the plane which contains the universe. I am not certain why it decided to show me this plane. Perhaps it is a simple one or it is one of the more fundamental steps or it's just plain easy for a novice to get the hang of it. Something to just give you a taste of what is possible.
You can similarly travel to a plane where you may see your birth (or before it) (or after death) to understand the meaning of life and why you are here. It just gives you the ability to detach yourself from the ordinary dimensions and have access to several other observational dimensions. I say observational because it would be extremely difficult to make any changes. If not impossible.
My mind is burning now because as I write down a thought, it is such a revelation demanding hours of thought and contemplation. It is so easy to distract yourself from what you're writing and carry on with this new thought but you have to break it off and carry on with the greater work. That is why I am writing stuff down constantly. So that I may not lose the thoughts and that so I may refer back to them for further contemplation and discussion with others.
So I was floating around space and realised that it wasn't the normal dimensions my spirit was occupying. I remembered Terry Pratchett and how they moved from one dimension to another by just doing it without thinking. The portal is always there, always waiting for you to pass through it. It is welcoming, almost as if it wants you to pass through it. So that it may reveal to you the enlightenment and the wonder of the greater existence around you.
So I pulled the "curtain" apart and there was "reality". At least the one I have been in most of my conscious human life. I could pass through the curtain easily and it would be as if nothing had happened at all. I slipped back in and looked around. I saw the entire universe. The curtain spanned into space. I looked around and saw distant galaxies floating about. I looked for the beginning of the universe and there it was. A bright, explosion like ball of fire expanding into space. This was so profound that I slipped back into reality to draw this. It was the most important thing in my life right then. I started drawing the curtain and the little window of reality and once I finished that, I searched my memory for the picture of the beginning of the universe. The galaxies and that weren't important right now. The focus was the beginning of the universe. As I started drawing it, I let my hand follow my memory and started drawing. My mind was more like a maestro/coordinator, it wasn't really taking part in the drawing, it was more like a spectator. It had drawn the reality, but only memory could draw the surrealism of the universe outside (outside?).
As the drawing started to take shape, my rational mind realised that it was in actual fact the eye of God. It wasn't exactly his actual eye, it was more like when you look at a bright light and when you close your eye, you can still see the remnants. The beginning of the universe was a "remnant" of God's eye.
Why the Eye? well, I believe if you will something to happen or if God wills something to happen, he doesn't have to say it with his mouth. Why should he? who does he have to say it to? He doesn't have to answer to anyone, he is God. The biggest power. The source. The existence. So the eye is the window into the mind's thought. Therefore God's eye is the source of the universe. And the universe is just that: a mere thought, an interest in the infinite mind of God. A mere whisp of thought. A beam of light as insubstantial as a shadow.
So the result of the above revelation? I now know, not believe that the Universe is a thought in God's mind that might have possibly disappeared to him as far as we know. Just a distant, dormant memory in his infinite wisdom. I can feel God's presence encompassing the entire universe and everything in it. There is simply no doubt. I am far too insignificant to speak to God but somewhere in his mind, I exist. An extremely small inkling of a thought is what I am. All I need to know I now know. I have what I need. I am now aware of what the universe contains and where it is - deep inside my very own mind. I just shrink my headspace inwards (implode it) until I pass through the "curtain" and right there is the universe. Opening itself up to me, revealing everything I need to see.
I couldn't go very high into the higher levels of revelation because of two possible reasons:
- My mind was too afraid of what it may find out, too scared that it would be so massive and overwhelming that it would just collapse and get crushed under the magnitude of the revelation and I would end up a mindless zombie. My fragile mind would have been completely destroyed and I wouldn't be the same again. I would have gone crazy! Even if I had been able to pass through the curtain again, the memory of the revelations would be bright and harsh and burn my soul out of my mind.
- There was a security system, imposed by the guardians of the time-space-interdimensional continuum/universe. It would not have been imposed by God because it is far too an insignificant thing for Him to do. These guardians were agents appointed by God. So this security system is there to stop me from finding out or seeing too much. It was like an invisible force field that gently forced me back. I felt though that I could fight it back and climb a little further and I was scared because I was not meant to be this high and that it could prove very dangerous. But I was concentrating too much on pushing the barrier back and getting that little bit higher, so I didn't have time to look around and see what was there. And if I stopped concentrating on pushing the wall back, it would force me back to where I started.
This is obviously an entirely new world and existence and this trip was such an overload on the mind. I didn't know what to do first. Every single little thing that you do there could be pulled apart and observed and seen what was possible with it. It is like being born into the world. Where every single object will require close examination and discovery. And that is just the scenario that I visited. There is an infinite number of other scenarios out there that have to be discovered as well. And then there is the method of travel that has to be scrutinised as well. It is like going with your car to all these amazing spaces (places) and you are so keen on the places that even though you know you should inspect the car and how you can make it work to your best advantage, it seems unimportant compared to the places you're gonna see.
And so afterwards my mind just said "OK, that's enough, I cannot handle anymore." And that was it.
After that, It was back to the average trip. Although I did feel very drunk and ill. I needed a break and went into the car to come down. It was Ok. I did feel a little ill - even dry heaved a bit (just to make sure) But I came down well and I was getting very sleepy. I was actually trying not to fall asleep. I imagined what it would be like going back in for a dance or something and decided it would be best for my mind to just go back home and let my mind rest. After this, in retrospect, it seems like a very good idea. I hadn't quite realised the magnitude of what had happened to me until I started writing this.
Today (the day after) I felt unsatisfied because I hadn't gotten down to some good boogyin' / traditional raving which I was looking forward to all week. I still feel like dancing a bit. And there was the revelation lingering in my head. Dying to get out.